Streeeeeeeeeetch! Ah, like only a feline can! There is no better way to end the midmorning nap, which of course will soon be followed by the afternoon nap, and then the ever popular mid-afternoon snooze. This is the good life!
Rolling over onto my fuzzy midnight side I gazed hatefully out of the tiny third story apartment window to the street below. A street I once called home. There had been a time when I thought I'd never get a proper home. After all who would want an antique like me, with only one eye worth looking at or out of for that matter. And although I admire my pure onyx coat, I quickly learned that as far a humans are concerned it's a cursed colour -something to be hated or even feared.
Maybe that was the reason my human had taken pity on my mangy hide an brought me into her home. You see her own coat attempted to mimic mine. Although I must admit that it is a poor imitation indeed, not what I would consider 'black' at all, and barely any fur. Not to mention the sad state her claws are always in, mostly because of the horrifyingly garish coat of paint she keeps on them. I love her anyway.
That was her now.
"Lazlow! Breakfast, come and get it! Hurry up, I'm gonna be late for work, child!"
Hurry? Me? Never. Hopping down off my perch I lumbered into the stark white kitchen at my own leisurely pace. Standing on the threshold between the thick carpet and shiny tile I delicately sniffed the air: lamb and rice. She must think it's time for another diet. It seems that every time she goes on one the rest of us have to suffer. But, I guess it's better than the scraps and emaciated mice I used to drag out of the dumpster down at Joe's Garage.
"That's right, Bigboy, just strut around like you own the place. Well, I'm off to work, behave Lazlow."
"Meow." Lose translation: always.
She calls me 'Lazlow' because Joe, of Joe's Garage, called me a 'Lazy Lowdown Son of a Bitch, and of course she could take me off his hands'. As if he ever actually owned me. I just stuck around because the mechanic's garage was a dry place to stay when it rained and not to mention that rats tended to swarm around Joe. Probably because he was the Vermin King.
Enough reminiscing about the past, and certainly enough of this 'Lamb and Rice' shit. It is time for the daily rounds, I've got to make sure that my castle is well protected. I padded on silent paws out into the tastefully decorated living room and stalked around like a predator. I know that there isn't any danger, but I have to do something to pass the time till my next nap.
Once the perimeter had been secured it was definitely time to lay down. The grating sound of the key being inserted into the lock signified that I had slept way longer than I had planed. I was interrupted in mid stretch by an unbearable stench as she stepped into the apartment. The source of the smell appeared to be a small bundled up towel that my human was cradling lovingly.
"I've brought something home, now don't be mad." She clucked.
She put down the bundle and stepped back to allow me to investigate the 'present'. My highly sensitive nose was being assaulted by whatever was concealed in the towel. I jumped back when the towel whimpered. Suddenly I knew where I had smelt this odour before. I couldn't believe it, I just couldn't believe it! The towel fell away and sitting there was my worse nightmare: a dog!
Well more like a puppy. The indignity of it all! The betrayal! How could she do this to me? I mean just look at this young thing! It must be a purebred Boxer, she certainly didn't rescue this one off the street. What do we need with this perfect mongrel, he could have gotten a home with any number of rich families! And sure he was cute now, but look at the size of his paws, he is going to be huge! Wait a minute, paws? One, two, three... Where was is right back paw? It's just a stump!
"Lazlow, I'd like you to met 'Tripod'"
Tripod? How original. I thought about the whole situation again. I guess I had misjudge. This was just another lost soul after all. I looked down at the disfigured whelp. He was attempting to start a game by nipping at my full chest fur. I sighed.
"Welcome to the good life kid."