Re-born Yesterday

 

 

††††††††††† So, this is Death.

 

††††††††††† Interesting.I have to say that itís a lot different than I thought it would be.No bright light, no angles singing, no pearly gates.Just a big black space, at least I assume itís big.Of course as an Atheist I should have expected something like this.In a way I should even be thrilled, after all it proves me right.Wonít all those religious types be surprised!Heehee.I wish I could see the looks on their faces when they find out.Of course, first Iíd have to be able to see.

 

††††††††††† Eternity is going to be boring!

 

††††††††††† Sigh, oh well, nothing to be done about it now.Although I certainly hope Sohpie is suing for my untimely demise out there in the Living World.That semi truck must have been doing eighty, and I clearly had the right of way.If she goes to Jeff at the law firm heíll get her at least a million from that truck guyís company.Sohpie will be thrilled.

 

††††††††††† Now that I think about it I bet sheíll go to Jeff regardless. She always was a tramp (thatís why she was with me), and now that Iím out of the way sheíll know that Jeff will be inheriting the entire law firm.She wonít stop at the million for wrongful death, sheíll go right in for the kill and get a slice of firm by sugaring up my partner.

 

††††††††††† Good for her, I taught her well.

 

††††††††††† She might as well grab all she can.Because the philosophers were right (who knew?), you really canít take it with you when you go.This is so dull.What I wouldnít give for at least some elevator music.No, on second thought the last thing I want is to spend eternity listening to Barry Manillow.If that happened Iíd have to believe in God again -considering Iíd be in Hell.

 

††††††††††† Actually I do hear something.Itís really faint, I hadnít noticed it before.It sounds kind of like a beeper going off.I wouldnít think the Afterlife would have technology like that.After all, whoís going to page me?Madame Gweniver and her Crystal Ball?Ridiculous.

 

††††††††††† But I definitely hear something.Maybe if I try... Itís a bit hard to move, but I can do it if I try.Hmmm.It almost feels like Iím surrounded by a barrier.Iíll try pushing against it.Yes!Itís working, the barrier is cracking.I can clearly see a little bit of light.Keep pushing!

 

††††††††††† Crack!

 

††††††††††† Ha!Iím free.I wasnít dead after all!I must have just been trapped in the car.Damn!What a close call!If that truck driver is still alive, Iím going to kick his ass!My vision is still a little blurry.Maybe if I just blink a few times.Now letís see....

 

††††††††††† Aaaaaaaa!!!Thatís the biggest Goddamned bird Iíve ever seen!What the Hell is going on?!That thing must be the size of a house!Whatís that in itís beak?Some unlucky pedestrian?No, itís... Oh gross!Itís a gigantic worm!

 

††††††††††† ďGet away from me!Ē

 

††††††††††† Hold on.That didnít sound right.

 

††††††††††† Was it just me, or did that come out only as peeping?Oh no... wait a minute.Please donít tell me that this stuff around me is egg shell.Ack!It is egg shell!I did die!And Iíve been reincarnated as some disgusting feathered sky-rat!

 

††††††††††† This is worse than I thought!Sohpie better get two million out of this!Sigh, well, I guess Iíd better have some worm.Now that I think about it, I am awful hungry.Being born takes a lot out of ya.

 

††††††††††† ďHey!This isnít so bad, kind of tastes like chicken.Thanks Mom.Ē

 

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