Dear Diary



May 11th-


            Dear Diary-


            Well my day started out like any other.  Got up brushed the teeth, took shower, got dressed, went to school, etc., etc... If you’ve read the previous hundred pages of my diary then you know how it goes.  Get up, brush teeth, get dress, go to school, get up, brush, dress, school...  Yup, life is pretty boring.  ‘Pretty boring’ that is until today!! :) 


            Let me start from the beginning so you have a better idea of who is talking to you.  ‘You’ being whoever gets a hold of this, if anyone ever does.  I hope so, this is really important suff.  Sorry, I’m getting distracted again.  I’ll try to stay focused.  Staying focused has never been a talent of mine.  My teachers are ALWAYS telling me to “wake up and smell the coffee”.  Duh, I’m only 14, I don’t drink coffee, why would I want to smell it?  All they do is blab anyway, everyday it is the same thing: “Blah, blah, blah, Fifth Amendment, blah, blah, blah, Mitochondria, blah, blah, blah, Cosine Law”.


            I mean really?!  Who CARES?!! 


            Sorry, I got off track again.  This diary has become really important so I suggest that you bare with me (and my poor spellling) and keep reading.  I don’t want to sound like I have an ego or anything, but this diary could possibly be the most important writing of our time, maybe of all time!!  For in it’s pages I have single handily answered one of man kind’s most burring questions:


            “Are we alone in the Universe?”


            All you ‘X-files’ watchers have been wasting your time.  (I used to like the show, but then they got rid of the only likable, or watchable for that matter, character, Mulder.  The show has sucked ever since.  So now I just watch the ‘Simpsons’ and then read a good book).  Anyway, I’ve seen the Truth and the Truth is here!


            Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself again.  Let’s talk about me for a second.  I’m sure you’ve gathered from reading the first pages of this diary that I’m 14 and I live in the middle of NOWHERE Arizona.  Well, actually it isn’t the *middle* of nowhere, it is about 30 miles South of the middle of nowhere.  You think I’m kidding, but I’m not, I would never kid about something so tragic.  Most people’s idea of a good time around here in Pickawa (yes, the town is called Pickawa, I don’t know *what* the people who first founded the place were thinking!) is to sit in the ‘Big Lots’ (we don’t even have a ‘Wal-Mart’ or even a crummy ‘K-Mart’ for that matter, sigh) parking lot and listen to Country Music on bad speakers.  The ‘one horse’ in this town died a long time ago, of boredom no doubt.


            Why was I cursed to such a birth place you ask?  I must have killed someone in a previous life is all I can say.  If so:  “I’m SORRY already!!”  Anyway, so nothing much ever happens around here.  Until today!  Sorry, I’m just a little excited, after all this is my FIRST adventure. 


            Actually I guess you could say that the time that Tommy Broger (Tommy “Booger”) broke my arm during a mean spirited game of dodge ball and I had to be rushed to the hospital in a REAL ambulance (the town got a real ambulance after the time when Mrs. Marshall gave birth in the back of the pickup truck that they used to use and near dropped that baby right out the back).  But that was nothing compared to today, even though they gave me all the ice-cream I could eat.


            So you ask, what happened?  I’ll tell ya.  After school today I was picked up.  Not by my mother or some sleazy peda, pedophi, p... child molester.  Nope.  I was picked up by real life, honest to God, genuine article, ALIENS!!!  (no, not the kind from Mexico, duh.).


            Can you believe it?  Neither could I at first.  I mean there were no tractor beams, or bright lights, or any of that shit (I can say ‘shit’ because at the moment I’m probably a hundred thousand miles away from Earth, let alone my parents).  They just pulled up in a black van and snagged me by my book bag.


            How do I know that they are aliens and not just regular human kidnapping scum?  Well, does regular human scum have orange scaly skin, four arms, and hooved feet?  No, I don’t think so (well, maybe some of the guest on ‘Jerry Springer’, but I really don’t think they count).  Besides I’m in the ship right now! 


            That’s right these words are coming to you from inside the belly of an honest-to-God Spaceship!  How cool is that?  I mean, sure, most people would be scared right out of their wits.  But not me.


            I’m just glad to be out of Pickawa, Arizona!!!